2019

___Life ain’t a bed of Roses___

As this year is gonna end in a few minutes, I wanted to memorize everything, every single moment I had. A lot I learned and a lot I am still learning in very last minutes. It might not be as much as I took it but it was enough to make me realize that life ain’t a bed of Roses. Some bond shattered temporarily and some bond turned out to be invincible. When thunders were reminding me of darker days, The morning sunrise taught me about the beautiful beginning. Some minor mistakes ruined everything, so some major mistakes ended up beautifully. Some steps were hard to take and sometimes things happened without my knowing. Little things like alarm told me the importance of speaking up at the right time and water made me think of the power of silence. Stars were teaching about the bond, so the moon taught me you are still worthy if you are alone. Without our weaknesses, we are not strong. No matter how hard things get, we always have a way to make it easier. For sure no hardship comes without ease. All seconds of your time cannot be golden, sometimes they are happy seconds, sometimes they are sad and sometimes they are just nothing, (what I learned is ) it’s okay if you get sad, if you cry, if you run outta tears, if you don’t react at big incident but get depressed over little things, if problems give you thrill, if you laugh at silly things, if being alone doesn’t bother you because this is what you are and it’s you. This year was not just a lesson, regret, confession, grief, mistake, anxiety, hardship, hope but so much more than that, I found a lasting magic and got some never-ending happinesses. I got very close to my books and my pen ( writing is the only thing that can never leave you, wherever you go it will follow you).

Mai phir bhi ladungaaaa……….

Har aansu mairi aankh ka jal bhi jaaye agar
Har awaaz mairi qowm ki dab bhi jaaye agar
Har jism se yeh rooh se alag kar bhi di jaaye agar
Har katra maire lahu ka mitti -e- hind me mil bhi jaaye agar
Mai phir bhi ladunga
Mai phir bhi ladunga
Ae watan mai phir bhi ladunga;
Aur kitne katal karoge mujhe maire ghar se nikaalne me
Aur kitne khwaab jalaoge hindustaan ko hindu banane me
Qowm ko khatam kar bhi do agar mazhab k khatir
Par kya insaano ko mita paaoge insaniyat mitane me
Mai phir bhi ladunga
Mai phir bhi ladunga
Ae watan mai bhi ladunga;
Har wo shakhs jo us takht par hai
Har wo haath jo unke sar par hai
Abaadi ki aadh me jo kohraam machaya hai
Bhool gye ho kya thoda hind to hum par bhi hai
Maire islam ne sikhaaya mulk ghar h tumhara
Yeh pehle bhi aaye the aur aayenge dubaara
Na dara tha tab na ab darunga
Jab tak khuda h dil me mai tab tak ladunga
Mai tab tak ladunga
Ae watan mai tab tak ladunga.

And the pain continues…..

No matter how hard I try to get out of it, the tether of thoughts will enslave me anyway. Whenever I feel like yes, it’s gonna be over and the end is near. Something pulls me back to the beginning. and this is how my journey starts over and over again.
I’m captive here behind the invincible walls I cannot see, the walls I made to enslave myself, to remind myself and to keep my voice unheard but now these walls are coming closer and I’m afraid if it would take my soul away from the body and then I would be nothing. The lights are fading and the room is getting darker, I am screaming for peeping sunlight but wait… the voice coming back to me is not same this time, the words are different. I can see my bruised hands now. I really want to know where are the lights coming from? The volcano of sorrow is exploding and coming out, all tears which were keeping my heart heavy are falling now and suddenly I hear a voice, it’s gonna end and the end is near but again something pulls me back to the beginning and THE PAIN CONTINUES.